B. Michael's Blog: I Love My Mom

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My Favorite Quotes

"Our sins make us stupid." - Dr. Hamilton "Ironic considering they ate from the Tree of Knowledge." - Matt Sartin
"The objects of our lust are real people." - Dr. James Hamilton
"The weeds of lust don't thrive in the soil of thankful, worshipping, believing hearts." - Dr. James Hamilton
"If this doesn't work out then I'm getting a mail-order bride...and I'm afraid they'll send me the wrong one." - Matt Sartin
"I feel like an old person...I listen to talk radio and I go to bed early." - Matt
"Boys are okay, they're just different from girls." - Preschool teacher walking by my office one day
"You're one of those people who peels the crayon all the way to the bottom." - Noah
"In my dreams, you're like Rambo." - Dano
"Oh, that's a tag so that no one can take him out of the hospital." - one of Baby Asher's family members "Yeah, it blows up with ink if they try to leave with him." - Brian "Does is really do that?" - Becki's mom "It blows up his ankle?!?" - Random eavesdropping kid
"He's not a big believer in hygiene." - Wes Fleming
"There are two things you never sell: you soul...and your guitar." - Josiah
"I never been more sober-minded than when I'm sitting on the can." - me
"You know, it's knotty, not like Santa naughty..." - Derek
"That's not metro, it's pornographic!" - The Wade
"How long does it take to freeze an elephant?" - Travis
"If your going to do something that ignorant, at least wrap it up!" - Carlen
"You have to be really fast to eat ice cream with a fork." - Travis
"Somtimes I just wish I had a rocket launcher in my truck." - Jose
"It's the sort of serving table you might expect to be in a barn." - Derek
"Have you eaten?" - Brian; "No, I had gummi worms." - Cheryl
"Elephants are the sneakiest animal in the jungle." - Rachel
Those aren't carrots, they're souls!" - Wayne
"If you ever drop your keys in a river of lava forget them cause man they are gone!" -deep thoughts, by Travis
"You know, it's scary how good you are at acting stupid." - me
"I mean, you can recover from diseases, but you can't recover from death." - Dennis Dewitt
"The next time you see me I'll surely have a goat." - Adam Forrest
"Sarcasm is like a minor form of evil. It's like diet evil." - Josiah
"I can only handle one unrequested groping per day." - Matt (after being frisked by a Colombian guard at the airport)
"They have a convent here?" - Adam; "I've never seen a nun around." - Brian; "Yeah, they don't come out a lot." - José
The average man speaks 5,000 - 8,000 meaningful words a day. The average women speaks 22,000 - 25,000 meaningful words a day. What does that mean for you, husbands who come home to their stay-at-home wives? When you get home, she's got 25,000 words ready to lay on you!! - Dr. Cutrer
"I'm amish." "Why do you work at Apple?" "I'm a rebel." - Dano
You got shot down like a one-winged duck. - Matt Sartin
That's how we roll, like a fat kid rolling down a hill. - Josh Boswell
"Is that a wildebeast?" - Jose refurring to a wild boar!
"I think grammer is exhilarating, don't you?" - Professor Stam
"He owns the cattle on a thousand hills and the taters in those hills." - Dr. Charles Roesell
"The modern church has staff infection" - Dr. Charles Roesell
I think we can make Systematic Theology fun! - Sam Rainer
"Coffee should be black as hell, strong as death, and sweet as love." - old Turkish saying
"May your burrs be conical, your espresso divine and your company for coffee cute." - Aaron de Lazzer from CoffeeGeek.com
"Our house is like a spiritual spa...you come here to exfoliate your spiritual impurities." - Jose
"I don't think I'm ever peppy." - Wade
"My insights are deeper than most people imagine. It can be as welcoming as Disney Land." - Jose
"For a train wreck it went quite well." - Guy on the news
"What do you call it when a women gives birth and dies afterwards?" - Jiri "A tragedy." - Wade
"Knock 'em awf the stretcher." - Ohio Valley Wrestling fan
"You know that's not real dew from a mountain." - Jose
"He's just gonna smooch off ya." - José
"Look...if there was a hierarchy of junkfood, Dennys would be at the top." - Jose
"By the way, do you know where the word crap came from?" - Ben Farrar (official King of Quotes)
"Dr. Ware explained Calvinism to me but He-man helped me to understand." - Ben Farrar
"What's bigger, a duck...or something bigger." - Adam
"One of us needs to get a chicken." - Jiri
"Right then I started using a technique I learned in a video game one time." - Ben Farrar
"Yellow jackets are a type of bees who live in underground condos..." - Ben Farrar "Where did we find this guy?" - Adam Boyd
Clothes don't go bad if you leave them out...food does. - Jose
My words have gaps in them so people can fill in the blanks. - Jose
I miss Dwight. Congratulations universe, you win. - Jim from The Office
When someone smiles at me, all I see is a chimpanze begging for its life. - Dwight from The Office
Why tip someone for a job I can do myself...I did tip my urologist though, because I can't pulverize my own kidney stones. - Dwight Schrute from The Office
The Schrutes consider children very valuable. In the olden days, the women would bear many children so we would have enough laborers to work the fields. And if it was an especially cold winter and there weren't enough grains or vegetables, they would eat the weakest of the brood...(chuckle)...they didn't eat the children, it never came to that. - Dwight from The Office
Y'all make the worst fun of me. - a really tired Kary Matherine
I never bought human parts like this before. I traded for a shunken head once but this is off the wall. - Man interviewed after finding a human foot in the smoker he had bought. (Must be spoken with a hick accent.
"That's not ethnocentric!" - Brian "It's just racist." - Wade
It's like a blissfulness inside my body. - Testimony from a Dual Action Cleanse user (it's like an herbal laxative)
I'm well aware of what I'm saying. - José
Greek and Hebrew are like underwear. They're great for providing support, but you don't want to show it too much. - Dr. York
Dat gum. - José
Dat gum it. - José
I'm tired of his shennanigans, he's gotta go. - José
I just don't like dusty boxes. - José
I think somebody's gonna get deported. - Cassey referring to Jiri
I've got to go kill more spiders so I can get a bigger purse. - José while playing Zelda
God once spoke through a donkey, but that hardly serves as a model of ministry. - York from Preaching with Bold Assurance
The pope may well be French, but Jesus is English, you're on! - Roland from A Knight's Tale
Better a silly girl with a flower, than a silly boy with a horse and a stick. - Joselyn; It's called a länce. Hello. - Wat [All from A Knight's Tale]
If a picture is worth a thousand words, then being in New Orleans is worth a thousand pictures. - Leader of a NOAH Rebuild crew
Ignorance may be bliss, but it is not a virture. - D.A. Carson
May the hair on his toes never fall out! - The Hobbit
"Is that a purse?" - Wes " What? That's my swimming trunks!" - Travis
Me - "When did you get so cute?" Joseph - "It's 'cause I'm 'ittle"
Watch out for that chicken. - Me on a recent visit to Sweetwater, TN
Do unto otters as you would have otters do unto you. - Dan's false reading of a sign hanging in our church
Doggone it, Medusa got me. - Ben playing Castlevania IV again
She is just too young to have blue hair - Some guy Jenn and I worked with walked in and said this right before this teenager walked in with very blue hair.
Me - What do you call those people? (talking about Mennonite-looking people); Jenn - Homeschoolers?
I don't know...but I think it has something to do with the Queen of England. - Travis (actually, it really did)
I think I'm going to go home and stuff myself with mini eggrolls. - Travis
Everyone has the right to free food. - Adam
I really don't mind snakes all that much, the only thing I don't like about them is that they can kill me. - Adam
I hate having my name compared to that of an effiminate sponge. - Bob
A little less caulk and a lot more action. - The tune I was humming while working on my office recently
http://www.diccionary.com/ - a mistyped URL in the drop down menu of my browser
Yes, this is reality and I'm the greastest hero in the world. Now go make me a sandwich. - Ben Farrar in reference to Super Castlevania
Honey, this is a tissue of lies. You see there was a another Bill, an evil Bill, and I killed him. - Twister
Andrew went from being 'single' to 'engaged.' - Facebook news feed...this is very telling of the seminary community
Minimize your wardrobe...maximize your potential. - Billboard advertizing open priesthood positions at the Houston Catholic Diocese
He that but looketh on a plate of ham and eggs to lust after it hath already committed breakfast with it in his heart. - C.S. Lewis
Can I have a cracker to polish off this cake? - Travis Tyler
I feel like a fat kid cheating at fat camp. - Ashley Dyer while we were stuffing ourselves with donuts
A minister should baptize more people than he kills. - Ben Farrar
I say what’s more fun than planning all the fun that you plan on having? - Sam Rainer
Are you sure you don't want a frozen burrito or something? - Big T
If you don't have a wife, go out and get one. - Dr. Vickers
I'm thankful for Mommy and Daddy and my friends and the holes that squirrels live in. - Adam's nephew
I mean, he's nice in the way that cardboard boxes are nice. - Lindsay
When in doubt, be impulsive. - Adam Forrest Boyd
This is a women's chest of drawers...in fact, this is a breast of drawers...I want a man's chest, like Brian's chest. - Adam Boyd (previous to buying his new (manly) chest of drawers)
I'm just looking for something that pleases me. - Adam Boyd
Sorry I wasn't there earlier, I was talking and couldn't shut up. - Jerusha Reader
I recommend that we don't go to my apartment...it's getting hard to breathe in there because there's so much trash. - Ben Farrar
Croggy! - Jose' trying to imitate an Australian
We are like beasts, we hear glorious truths and fall asleep. - Dr. Schreiner
He looks like a mix between Ronald McDonald and Shaggy from Scooby Doo. - Jose' Rodriguez commenting on David Crowder
That goat is weird...he's got devil eyes. - Brian Fellow (SNL sketch)
Everybody knows the moon is not made of green cheese, but what if it were made of barbecued spare ribs...would you eat it then? - Harry Carey (SNL sketch)
Romans 9 used to make me cry. - Jerusha Reader
It's a trick...get an axe. - Bruce Campbell in "Army of Darkness"
You know what I have at my apartment?...cold pizza...and if we heat it up it will be hot pizza. - Ben Farrar
I'm not splitting hairs, I just wanted cookies. - Jose' Rodriquez
I have a great need for Christ; I have a great Christ for my need. - C.H. Spurgeon
I'm just going to go home and groom myself all night. - Luke (co-worker) after receiving an insult reguarding his state of groomliness
Dat gum it. - José

B. Michael's Blog

Sunday, May 11, 2008

I Love My Mom - She's Amazing

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